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her pretty eyes and plastic smile.
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[25 Jun 2004|09:43pm] |
Wow...I have not updated for a shit load of time.
A lot of things have changed...school is over. I cant believe it though, Im halway through high school...which means college is near. There's no way I can possibley be a junior next year, let a lone even look like one.
Theres something about summer that leaves me with a lonely feeling. I always hang out less with friends over the summer and therefore some friendships deteriorate. I dont want that to happen though.
In two days, on Monday, I start my first official job. Im going to be a counseler at a day camp that Ive been going to for 5 years. Its gonna be wierd not being able to ditch activities and and hang out by the pool or in the bathroom checking our makeup for a half hour. Instead Ill be taking care of little kids...joy. Im being payed 600 bucks for 8 weeks plus tips. Eh, that comes down to like 4 bucks an hour, but money is money. I have no clue what Ill be doing with it though. Itll probably go towards more drugs and alcohol because Im always so generous and share with my friends...haha.
And yes, Ive FINALLY deleted kimbo87 from my friends list on my old journal, all_broken. Sorry it took as long as it did, but I am a lazy ass. :D
Peaceee.
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[03 Jun 2004|05:12pm] |
I cant freakin wait for the weekend. I LOVE weekends. I live for the weekends, really.
Tommorrows a half day because of the senior prom, so yay.
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[30 May 2004|08:47pm] |
Please kill me.
I wish it would all stop.
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[23 May 2004|05:19pm] |
Blah...kind of a sucky weekend. I was in a really bad mood the whole time. My moods change drastically within seconds now, its crazy. I really think I am overally pessimistic, but once I start thinking that way its really hard to get out of it. I'm wasting my time being pissed off and sensitive to things that put me in bad moods. These few years of my life are supposed to be the most fun, exciting ones but for some reason I keep finding something to be pissed off about and not just living them. I wish I could just be reassured about certain things because although I dont like to admit it and it may not be obvious, I have very low self esteem over certain things, like friends. Maybe I just imagine all this stuff being worse than it is, I dont know.
( My List )
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.
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[16 May 2004|03:39pm] |
Good weekend. =)
Im in a wierd mood now though. I want to read a good book. I havent read a good book for a really long time. Something meaningful.
Peace.
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[01 May 2004|03:37pm] |
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music |
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Bright Eyes- From a Balance Beam |
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I wish I could express my hatred for my parents in words, but I cant. Ive always had a hard time expressing how I really feel about stuff so I wont even try this time. All I can say that this is not just trivial teenage angst. This is hatred. I just got a lecture from my dad on being decieving. So I have awarded him JUSTINE'S HYPOCRITE OF THE YEAR AWARD. I cant even believe hes lecturing ME on being decieving. Maybe he wants to take a step back and look at his own freaking life for the last couple months. I cant fucking even believe he would call me decietful after all he has done..but I cant tell that to anyone, only one person actually knows. And my mom, I can see that she tries to make me feel better about things but her hugs dont cure all anymore, like they did when I was little. Although her intention is good she just watches as my dad is such a jerk to everyone and doesnt do anything about it. I feel so numb. I keep wanting to do something to make this right, but its really too far gone. I have never heard this much BULLSHIT in my life, everything is so fucking messed up. This was extremely vague and didnt make any sense, but I needed to get it out.
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[27 Apr 2004|06:17pm] |
Blahh boring past couple of days except for the weekend...that was fun. But Im too lazy to talk about any of that.
Today in Study Hally Alicia and I were extremely bored and being our cool selves we made a LISTTTT!! Wooo. And Id like to share it with you all, so here it is..
You know your at South (highschool) when...
1) You go to dry your hands in the bathroom and you end up using toilet paper.
2) You turn to look out a window and you are staring at moveable divider.
3) You DIE in a code blue situation because there are no walls or doors to hide behind.
4) All of the chairs and desks dont match.
5) Your ass starts to HURT 5 minutes after you've been sitting in the theater.
6) Or your ass gets DIRTY because your stuck sitting on the floor during luch due to the rediculous lack of tables and chairs.
7) More than half of the student population is Asian.
8) Everyone who's anyone has a designer bag..or a fake one.
9) 90% of the students who wear REBEL shirts actually smoke.
10) Its normal to take 2 or more Advanced Placement (AP) classes junior year.
Isnt that damn witty? I sure think so. Peaceeeeee <3
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[22 Apr 2004|06:02pm] |
Today was one of the first bad days Ive had in a really long time. I always knew my good mood had to end somethime. But anyway... a little while ago I came across this kids Blurty, that I have never even really talked to before. But it seriosley was disgusting and freaked the shit out of me. I seriosley wanted to die after reading it. It was this extremly long entry about...me. Ok so he happened to like me or something last year and his friend kind of ruined it for him by making up lies about it and then telling me. Anyway I realized that all these people I really havent even adknowledged before are just as messed up as I am. I really dont see how every single person in this world, or atleast the school district is not depressed. That may be too dramatic, but atleast I dont see how anyone can be sincercely, truly happy. It just seems too unrealistic to me. People always put on masks because they feel they need to around other people, but what they dont realize is that everyone else around them that theyre trying to impress is doing the exact same thing theyre doing. Its all so messed up. I wish people would just be themselves and have a good time. That way everyone could be happy. But in reality, thats definitly not possible. And it just keeps getting worse and worse as the generations below us grow older. I mean, god, there are 7th graders in our school districts that are already having sex. Thats just crazy. I cant even explain it.
So I was just blasting Nirvana on the stereo downstairs in my house while I was making dinner for my workaholic parents. My sister obviosley pissed that she cant hear her TV even though she should be doing her homework instead (but watches TV so she can say she needs to do her homework when my parents need her to do a chore so it can get pinned on me, but thats a different story) comes downstairs and walks into me trying to get me out of her way and breaks off one of my acrylic nails. Now these nails cost 50 freakin bucks (so expensive due to my mothers ignorance..she didnt want to go to the mall where I could have gotten them done for 25, but whatever). I mean I know I shouldnt taken little things like that to heavily but after a while all this shit just builds up and I dont know what to do anymore. Especially after reading that creepy journal entry, I feel like such a horrible person. After all that stuff from his perspective and other stuff some of my own friends said about me. I never realized I was such a bitch, I really didnt. Im going to try to be a lot nicer. I always feel so overwhelmed. I really dont know what to do anymore.
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[19 Apr 2004|03:27pm] |
Why tomorrow (Tuesday) is going to be one SUPER COOL day:
* its my half birthday
* the Bright Eyes/ Neva Dinova CD comes out
* the Hanson CD comes out LOL, which my friend is currently obsessed with for unexplainable reasons
* its 4/20 which is just a cool day in itself
* its supposed to be in the 70's, i love warm weather
A big thanks to all those that suggested some music in the last entry, it was most helpful =) Im slowly but surely checking them all out. Peaceeee.
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[18 Apr 2004|06:38pm] |
Hello all.
Isn't life just so wonderful? This sunny, warm weather has be in such a good mood this weekend...I hope it never ends. It reminds me of the last day of 8th grade (2 whole years ago!) at our 8th grade picnic. It was so fun, I remember everyone signing yearbooks and there were some kinds from our grade that were playing with their bands around the side of the building.
I miss those days, sort of. Its wierd because during those times I hated it, but looking back I miss them a lot. I guess thats how everything is, I take a lot of stuff for granted until its gone.
Anyway, does anyone have any music suggestions for me? Ive been really into Bright Eyes lately, so maybe something similar to that sound. I also like Brand New and Something Corporate a lot as well. But Im looking for more of mellow sound with meaningful lyrics. I recently discovered Forever Down, which is a solo artist like Conor Oberst from Bright Eyes, and he sings similar types of music but his voice is no where near as amazing. Thanksssss homies ;)
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[17 Apr 2004|12:02pm] |
"Drummer Chris Gaylor will be signing autographs at Skate and Surf in NJ this Sunday, April 18th, at 5:00 PM at the TAMA drum tent! Stop by and say hi!!! "
Damn damn damn damn damnnnnnn. (Thats the drummer from AAR by the way <333) To everyone that went to Skate and Surf yesterday, or is going today or tomorrow, have funnn. I personally think Friday and Sunday have the best lineups. I would have liked to go see some of them. Oh well. If your going on Sunday, please go to the main stage at 8:55 and kidnap Something Corporate for me. I will pay a huge amount of cashola. ;)
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[15 Apr 2004|06:52pm] |
Everything is so confusing these days. I cant tell my whether my friends are my real friends...if they even care. It just sucks. Blahhh I dont know even how to explain it so Im stopping now.
Ive known Ive had a problem with over analyzing everything for quite some time and today as I was talking to one of my friends I found out she had the same problem. Its kinda good to know that Im not the only one. I always over think things in my head for some reason and end up dissapointed in the end. And I try to stop myself whenever I realize Im doing it because it just makes things worse for me, but I really cant help it. I worry about stuff to much and too easily. I wish I could just not care....oh how grand that would be...
The OC was awesome last night, so much DRAMA. I like drama when Im not involved...haha. The drama I always get involved is over such dumb stuff...its too bad Ive lost many friendships over crap like that.
I HATE THINKING.
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[14 Apr 2004|07:53pm] |
Hellooo. Today was a crappy-ish day but really not that bad. I like it how the first thing my friend said today when I walked up to her was "You look like you just wokeup"...wooo major increase in self esteem eh?
Right. Today I was listening to a couple songs by this band Kill Hannah..theyre kinda poppish rock, theyre ok. But oh my freakin god, they are soooo damn hot. Theyre all like pretty boys and I LOOOOOVE pretty boys. Just thought Id share that with you all ;)
I love 4 day weeks, theyre tons better than 5 day weeks. Hell yes, tomorrows Thursday. Fantabouloussss hahaaa. Adois.
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[13 Apr 2004|05:23pm] |
Well, here I am again. Back at LJ except with a new and improved journal thats ten times better then before. I plan on keeping this one for a longggg time. Wooooo.
So anyway last night I was thinking about the cruise I went on over Spring Break (last week) and how a massive amount of boys thought I looked quite younger then I really am. There must have been ATLEAST 10...SERIOSLEY, 10 guys ages 9-17 that thought I was mad young. I was talking to this 17 year old guy in the hot tub and he was guessing how old I was first he said 8th grade, then 7th, 6th, 9th??? 5th??? And finally I said 10th. And he was extremely suprised..I mean GOD DAMN.. I always knew I looked youngish..but not that drastic. Side note: he was 17 and in 10th grade as well..cough, DUMBASS. There was this other girl in the hot tub that was 16 and he told her that she looked like she was 21 and she said "uhhh thanks I guess". SOOOOO the POINT IS when I was spacing out thinking about this for some reason I realized from birth to 18 or so its a compliment to look OLDER and from 26ish on its a compliment to look YOUNGER...so whats the deal inbetween?
Interesting, eh? Enough of my insights to ponder over cause I know you all are so intrigued right. Want to hear something sad? I miss cheerleading. I actually MISS it. I have nothingggg to do after school anymore. It sucks...
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